THE NORTHERN BOYS – Nobody Likes Me

The Northern Boys, rapping retired U.K. teachers, have an infectious dance sound all their own.

Yeah it’s
Patrick Karneigh Junior, Norman Pain and Kev

My wife’s got a bichon frise with a sex addiction
And it’s hard to walk him in the park
Every other dog we see
Gets chased and pinned and fucked and licked in the ass
My grandson’s smoking weed in his bedroom
Texting girls photos of his cock
Jesus, fuck
If her dad comes ‘round
Then I’ll smash his car with a rock

Big old balls, they drag me down
You’ll find me dancing ‘round sexy town
Red light district pedalling around
And then I get mugged and my pants turn brown
Bachelor pad covered in spaff
Dorito crumbs all up in my bath
Flaking skin on my head
Sunburn flesh, let it shed

Wake up sunday, wife just punched me
Said she’s hungry, gotta go cook
Wifi’s broken so I gotta watch my porn
In the form of comic books
Brother, look
Wank myself with a single finger, Captain Hook
Then I go smoke my pipe with a random man
In a dark and weary nook

Bought a transgender man two pints
Can I get lucky and fist him tonight?
Constrict my cock with a pink hair tie
Not to tight, no, I don’t wanna die
Used to have a dog, his name was Francis
Then he ran away, what a selfish bastard
Now I got a cat and his name is Patrick
PKJ got jealous and attacked it

When I say hi, I get shut down
When I’m outside, I get stressed out
When I got people around I’m anxious
Nobody likes me, what the fuck now?

Call me the neighbour’s name when you fuck me
You ain’t gotta kiss me, you ain’t gotta hug me
(Please) Shit
I mean really, just do something
Please just touch me
I don’t wanna go to my nephew’s birthday
His friends play rugby, they might just hurt me
Last time they just kicked my shins
And spat on my christmas turkey

Hit another spliff and I feel alright
Then I hit another line, I convulse and fly
Rip out my heart, left open wide
Jump on the back of my ex and pipe
I’m like hello, I’m like hi
Do you want a backrub? Do you wanna die?
Do you wanna catch up? Do you wanna cry?
Do you want a slice of the painful pie?

Wife’s got a best friend, her name’s Sandy
She’s got a husband, his name’s Andy
I like to picture them when they fuck
And imagine that her ass tastes sweet like candy
Who’s got a camera? Wanna take a picture
Got a good shot of my best friend’s sister
She’s bent down with her hand on red
Rock hard in the middle of a game of twister

I play the horns, the horns of death
A girl said hi, now I’m obsessed
Stick it in the wank bank, back to the nest
Then it’s candlelight, lay back and carress
I’m not alone, the voice in my head
Tells me I’m handsome and great in bed
When you got chocolate, who needs sex?
I can just wank to a text instead

When I say hi, I get shut down
When I’m outside, I get stressed out
When I got people around I’m anxious
Nobody likes me, what the fuck now?

Hell yeah, alright
Hell yeah, alright
Hell yeah, alright